time for you

It has been freeing to hit pause and realize that I don't have to be tap dancing to prove that I'm OK.  

One of the very best things I've done for myself in the last year is to take time.

I don't know about you, but I often feel like I need to know the next step and be halfway to it before the step I'm on is over. You know? As if there's not even time to enjoy this moment because I have to be really prepared for the one that's coming next. 

But I'm trying really hard to let that go. 

I can't let it go when the weekend is approaching. I want to know the plans. All of them. What are we eating? Where are we going? Will I have to wear pants?

Same is true for vacation or holidays or anything to do with our kids.

But like I said, I'm working on it.

 

There is one place I've learned to step back, and that's when I feel the need to know the ending.

It is endlessly cool to be surrounded by great storytellers these days. Almost anyone can be a writer if they choose. Social platforms and finger keyboards have allowed us to express ourselves in record time. And I love to know what everyone is doing. I love to know when people arrive at a conclusion or have a life-changing epiphany. I love it because it makes it feel possible for me. Like maybe I can conquer my demons and figure out all my stuff too. 

What I don't love, however, is feeling like I have to keep up. Like in order to be doing things right, I've got to always have beans to spill. Like I've got to be having epiphanies (and sharing them!) on the regular. Like everything ought to end up tied in a pretty red bow. 

In believing we always have to have a good ending, we're missing out on some of the best parts. 

Rushing from one conclusion to the next might feel like keeping up, but I've realized it means leaving ourselves behind.

And anyway, I somehow got tired of doing it. A lifetime of power planning will do that to you, I guess. 

So instead of always starting and saying and sharing, I decided to get quiet instead. I decided to use the time I'd save by not shouting to really think about the woman I wanted to be. 

And I'm well on my way to finding her. 

Because I'm giving myself the time.

No pressure, no conclusions, no need to tell everyone what I'm pondering.

I can't tell you the peace I've found in doing this for myself. It has been freeing to hit pause and realize that I don't have to be tap dancing to prove that I'm OK.  

The jazz squares can wait, y'all. Our hearts cannot. 

It was in this time of quiet that I learned a lot about myself. I chose me a lot of the time. I stayed home instead of going out of obligation. I said how I felt (sometimes [it's a work in progress]), I wrote and I sat and I took lots of naps. I worked really hard to plow through my stuff because something deep down told me I needed it. And I know now that more than needing it, I deserved it.

And I truly believe that you do too.

So I'm back to starting projects again. And I'm back to really believing in them. 

This revamped website and renewed love of the blog is not a have to. This is a want to.

This is all because I've found something that can help you love yourself more. And you deserve to have that.

Tomorrow we'll release something that Jessica and I have been working on since October. It feels amazing to finally be stepping back, blowing off the sawdust one more time, and running our hands over something we're so proud of.

Our hope is that it will help you find your quiet.

That you might steal away some time just for you.

That you would find yourself and love her tirelessly.

That you will find ways to use your story that set your heart on fire.

Because we believe that you deserve all that and more.

You deserve the time.

 

Yes, you've got responsibilities and feel short on time. Yes, you've got to keep your job and honor your commitments. But what you don't have to do is sacrifice yourself in the process. You don't have to give up on your needs or back down or feel too scared to take the next step.

And you most certainly don't have to extinguish that little flicker within.

We made you something for the quiet little corners of your heart because you deserve the time.

 

We're eager for you to sit and think. To write. To scribble. To draw and doodle and dream. We are ready for you to invest the time in knowing the woman you are.

I can't wait to show you what we've got, guys.

I am really so very proud of it. 


Rachel LeBeau